how to convince your skeptical (and, let's be real, somewhat square) partner to participate in a ritual

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how to get your skeptical (and, let's be real -- somewhat square) partner to participate in a ritual with you

I know -- you love your partner. But sometimes you wish you were a little more, how to say this... well-matched in the spiritual department.  While you're unpacking childhood memories, setting intentions, and going on shamanic journeys, they refuse to drink herbal tea and don't know the difference between a sun sign and a rising sign. 

If you've been eager to get your partner* to participate in a ritual with you, this guide will help you do just that.

*Some of these tips apply to non-partner peoples, too. You'll be able to tell which ones. 

1. Involve candles.

I know you already love candles. But listen -- as much as we all love candles, we continuously underestimate their transportive, hypnotizing, mesmerizing, getting-partners-into-a-ritual-mood-izing abilities.

There is nothing you can do to better set a magical mood than to turn off all electric lights (and screens), fill a room with candles, and sit on a bedsheet or blanket on the floor. 

Once you're sitting on the floor in a circle of candles, about 2/3 of the magic is already there. 

2. Don't call it a ritual.

We witchy folks could do a better job of using less intimidating language to invite skeptical people into our mischief. I know that we like to use phrases like "worship the moon" and "commune with the spirit of parsley" -- but is that really the way to invite a non-witchy person into a ritual?

No, it's not. 

Even the word "ritual" still makes most people think of sacrificing a goat. So just don't call it that. 

The alternative? 

3. Give it a tangible purpose. 

Why do you want to do a ritual, anyway? Just for fun? Yeah -- it's fun for me, too. But -- skeptical partner or not -- I encourage you to set an intention for each ritual. This will help guide every element that you incorporate, from the herbs to the potions to the actual actions that you do. 

When inviting a partner into a ritual, choose a tangible intention that benefits both of you. 

Looking to move to a new home? Design a ritual around manifesting it. 

Stressed about family issues? Create a boundaries ritual. 

Want to landscape your yard? Journey together to the spirit of your land to ask for input. 

Ok, that last one might be a little advanced. But you get the picture. 

I'm sure that you and your partner have tangible goals and desires, and this is a great foundation upon which to construct a ritual together. 

After all, doesn't "Let's spend tonight manifesting our dream permaculture homestead" sound more exciting to a skeptical partner than "Let's spend tonight honoring the Divine Feminine aspect of the moon?"

4. Involve sex.

Yup, you heard me.  It is 100% legit to incorporate sex into your ritual, and this is 100% the best way to convince your partner to participate. 

In each ritual, we choose a physical action to consummate the magic we've done. The point is to draw the magic from the spiritual plane into the physical realm, using a physical action. 

And guess what a classic -- and super powerful -- consummatory act is?

Orgasm.

5. Involve deliciousness.

I strongly believe in making rituals as sensual as possible -- sex or no sex. Involving luscious fragrances, beautiful sounds, and yummy treats is a very enticing way to get someone to join, and enjoy, a ritual. 

(Yes, your consummatory act can be eating a scrumptious lilac-frosted lemon cake together. Or rose-infused dark chocolate, or nettle ice cream drizzled in honey...)

6. Don't be too weird about it. 

When it comes down to it, presenting a ritual as a normal thing that is helpful and fun for both of you will go a lot further than putting on your most mystical airs. 

Your (square) partner will not be impressed by how precisely you paired tonight's crystals with the phase of the moon AND the current astrological weather, but they might be interested in that nettle ice cream you just made and the promise of your dream permaculture homestead. 

So what do you think?

Can you try any of these on your skeptical (and potentially square) partner? Have you used any tactics to draw your partner into a ritual?

Leave a comment below!